i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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