sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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