The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
