Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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