You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Life is so much better after having sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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