pop tarts are not kleenex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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