I think my vagina is haunted
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
