You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
