Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
