I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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