Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
