you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
