don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
