After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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