She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
