the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
