we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
