So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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