My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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