just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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