Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
