I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
