are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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