a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
