It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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