if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
