that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
