what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
