you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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