I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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