I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
