we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
