I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
