john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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