he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize