he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
