That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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