The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize