naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
