That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
