He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
