I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
