you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
