Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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