Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
