Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
