so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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