Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
