She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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