I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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