My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
