You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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