hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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