im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
