he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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