I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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