just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
