it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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