So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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