I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
