Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
