Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
