and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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