At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
