is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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