It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
