So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
