I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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