all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drunk is not a location!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
